Harry Sue
by Generatedname
Summary: Due to an astounding magical coincidence, Mary Sue and her husband Marty found a young, abused boy named Harry. Adopted into the Sue family, Harry Sue goes to Hogwarts already knowing of his identity as the Chosen One and the most powerful wizard of his age. Parody of all those Mary Sue fics out there.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I LIVE! I have returned from my hiatus, and have decided to start a new story, namely this parody fic. It is not meant to be taken seriously, rather it is supposed to make fun of the various Mary Sue fics out there.**

**Prologue: Meet the Sues**

Mary Sue was a kind woman. She lived with her husband, Marty Sue, in a large manor on a hill in southern England, and were very well respected by the nearby population. Of course, the Sues were no ordinary family, as they were the latest in one of the oldest magical lines in the wizarding world, and each of them had magical power that could rival Merlin himself.

Of course, they were humble and never showed off their power to the rest of the world. In fact, most of the wizarding world did not even know they existed, which suited them all the better, as they were left alone to perform more of their research on magic and accumulate yet more power.

Every week, the Sues would leave their manor and go for a trip to Diagon Alley, in order to purchase various magical ingredients, doing so in disguise of course. It wouldn't do for people to recognize them, as they were also in possession of an improved design of the sorceror's stone, which they called the philosopher's stone. This stone could not only be used in any permanent magical transmutation, but it could also create both elixirs of eternal life and eternal youth. Thus, the Sues had lived for hundreds of years, eternally young and immortal.

However, on one of their trips, the portkey they were using misfired, and landed them in the middle of a certain street, in front of Number 4, Privet Drive. They had appeared out of thin air, and had naturally disillusioned themselves as soon as they landed, being visible for only a fraction of a second. They then set out on a walk, intending to make it to Diagon Alley to continue their trip, but then a black blur raced by them, pursued closely by several bigger boys.

"Kill the freak! Kill the freak!" They chanted.

With their mage sight, the Sues could easily see that the bullies' quarry was, in fact, a wizard, one with an abnormally large magical core, one which could grow to surpass even the Sues!

"Oh Marty, we simply must save him!" Mary said through her telepathic link with her husband.

"I agree." Marty Sue replied, and with a wave of his hand, the pursuing boys fell to the ground like puppets with their strings cut. The little black haired boy noticed this, and stopped running, collapsing in exhaustion. Mary Sue quickly scooped him up into her arms and turned to her husband.

"Will you finish the trip to Diagon Alley? I must make sure that the poor boy is alright." She said, before apparating away to the Sue manor.

Appearing in the foyer, she ran up to one of the unused rooms, which was promptly transformed into an opulent bedroom. Laying the boy down on the conjured bed, she quickly began to wandlessly cast a set of healing and diagnostics spells. She quickly saw the evidence of severe malnutrition and physical abuse, and quickly undid the damage, strengthening bones and building muscle. Soon, the abused boy resembled a healthy and strong 5 year old child. However, one of the diagnostics spells turned up dark. There was something on the young boy's soul, leeching off of him like the parasite it was. The boy was a horcrux. Quickly tracing a set of glowing white runes in the air, Mary began to chant. A scream, and the parasite was destroyed, leaving the boy's body in the form of a black mist.

Finishing her incantation, Mary waved her hand and the boy woke up. Looking around the room he was in, his eyes settled on the beautiful woman who was standing over him, a smile on her face.

"Where... Where am I?" The boy asked fearfully.

"Don't worry. I have rescued you from those who would abuse you so. You are at Sue manor, little wizard." Mary replied, kindly.

"Wizard? I'm not a wizard, I'm just a freak. Auntie 'tunia and Uncle Vernon said so." Harry replied.

"You are most assuredly not a freak! You are quite possibly the most powerful wizard of this age, and I will be sure to raise you like one, or my name isn't Mary Sue!"

"What do you mean? I have to go back to my cupboard, don't I?" The boy asked.

"No, of course not! If you so wish, I can adopt you into the Sue family and you will never have to even set eyes on your detestable guardians ever again!"

"Do you really mean it?" The boy asked excitedly.

"Of course! Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?" Mary exclaimed, and quickly opened a portal to an extradimensional storage space containing every potion she had ever made. Among them were several blood adoption potions.

Taking the bottle out, she dropped a single strand of her hair into the bottle, watching the liquid change from grey to bright gold, before taking another strand of hair from the boy. Dropping it in, she watched a spiral of emerald green form inside.

"Now, what is your name?" Mary asked.

"Harry Potter, I think, but everyone calls me Freak, so I don't know."

"Very well then. I hereby proclaim that Harry Potter shall now be named Harry Sue in accordance to his adoption into the Venerable, Ancient, and Noble House of Sue, so mote it be." A corona of golden light formed around her, extending to the boy in question. The potion glowed, signifying Magic's acceptance of the adoption. She handed the vial to Harry Potter, soon to be renamed Harry Sue.

"Drink this, and the ritual will be complete." Mary said, and Harry complied. There was a bright flash of green light, and Harry changed. His emerald green eyes became flecked with gold, and his body changed to radiate a pristine, noble aura, the strength of which surprised even Mary. The boy was indeed powerful.

Soon, Harry had stopped glowing, and looked at his hands in wonder.

"Congratulations, Harry Sue. Welcome to the Sue family." Mary Sue said, smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Placeholder for argument as to why this story is not Sue-some)**

**(Placeholder for reasons that supposedly support the above argument, but actually weaken it)**

**(Placeholder for insults against reviewers accusing the story of being Sue-some)**

**Chapter 1- Life with the Sues**

Albus Dumbledore sat on his throne of solid gold in the secret room beneath his office in Hogwarts, looking over a set of magical monitoring devices that were keeping an eye on the status of Harry Potter. The latest readings were... concerning. It seemed like Harry had somehow managed to escape the compulsions keeping him in the house, and that was not good at all.

The strains of organ music sounded out again as Snape started a new song, his lackey's spindly, black robed figure perched on a chair in front of a massive church organ, his fingers dancing over the keys. Hellfire belched out of the tops of the various pipes making up the instrument, bathing the candlelit room in flashes of deep red.

A loud buzz caused Dumbledore to swivel his throne 90 degrees to the right in order to look at one of the instruments. The device in question had just gone berserk, indicating that the trackers on the boy it was following had been removed. Dumbledore blasted the offending instrument into oblivion before turning his throne back to its original position, a frown on his bearded face. Just then, with a burst of hellfire, Fawkes, his demonic bird companion, flamed into the room, a report in his talons. Taking the sheet of parchment in his hands, Dumbledore read its contents, a smile slowly growing on his face.

"It seems that little Tommie has been located in Albania. I admit, he's been rather adept at staving off death, but he has once again underestimated his betters!" Dumbledore's mind began to concoct ways of luring out his rival for the power of darkness, the first since Grindlewald. Finally, an idea came to him. He had an annoying pawn by the name of Quirrel, whom he would dispatch to Albania, using him as bait. Tom knew of Quirrel's status as Dumbledore's unaware pawn, and couldn't resist the chance to get close, and when he did...

Dumbledore began to laugh, slowly and softly at first, but progressively growing louder and louder until the walls themselves reverberated with the dark power of the Laugh of Evil. In the background, Snape started a new song, the strains from the hellish instrument mixing in with the sound of Dumbledore's evil laughter. Soon, everything would come to pass as Dumbledore desired.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Sue household, Harry was having his magic focus crafted. The Sues had decided that his core was simply too powerful for a mundane wand to handle, so they decided to craft him a full blown, 12 core magical staff. They had decided to make the staff body out of a branch of the great tree Yggdrasil, and each of the twelve foci were to be selected from only the finest stock. The current cores were laid out, ready for insertion into the staff.

After much deliberation, Harry had decided on Griffon feathers, Phoenix feathers, Dragon Heartstring, Unicorn Hair, Basilisk Heartstring, Runespoor Scales, Nundu fur, Essences of Fire, Water, Air, and Earth, and Goblin Earwax. The final core was, at first, repulsive to Harry, but it was explained to him that Goblin Earwax allowed for him to manipulate the magics of other races in addition to his own through use of his staff. The staff would be tipped with a giant green diamond, cut into a massive amount of facets, designed to refract magic for non-linear delivery to the target, or in layman's terms, allowing Harry to curve his spells around shields and obstacles. Finally, the staff would be covered in millions of microscopic runic arrays, which would amplify the power of any spell cast with the staff by up to a thousandfold should Harry wish. The making of such a staff would normally take several years of hard work, but with the power of the Sues, it would only take a minute.

Harry watched in curiosity as his two new parents chanted in latin, glowing runes surrounding the staff, while thousands more flew towards the staff every second, embedding themselves into the microscopic arrays that would coat the magic staff. Finally, the staff was completed.

"Take it, Harry, and let's go out and learn some magic!" Marty Sue said, giving the newly crafted staff to Harry. Harry felt the rush of power overtake him as he gripped his new staff, and saw arcs of red and gold lightning exit the crystal at the staff's end.

Staff still crackling with magical energy, Harry followed his father out of the manor, stopping at a dueling platform.

"When will we get to do magic?" Harry asked impatiently.

"You must have patience, Harry. Emotional control is the first step in achieving total control of magic in its purest form. Now, the first thing you must know is that magic is determined entirely by intent. Incantations are useless, other than for giving the mind something to focus. For example, while we were crafting your staff, we simply chanted the instructions for making cheesecake in latin. It just gives the mind something to focus on so that magic can perform its task without distractions. Now, I want you to will your magic to create a chair for you to sit in." Marty said, then waved his hand, causing a comfortable couch to appear.

Harry did as he was told, and imagined a chair appearing out of thin air in front of him, and lo and behold, a great, gilded throne appeared. Harry sat in it, ignoring the gasp of awe from Marty. The chair was perfect in every way, the seats having just enough cushion, and the back being perfectly springy. As Harry sat down, a warming charm engaged, and the massage function activated.

"Wow... That is a nice chair indeed. Now, I will be teaching you how to duel with magic. As I have said, magic isn't about incantation, but rather about intent, so you will never need to learn any foolish incantations. My wife, meanwhile, will be teaching you runecraft, potions, and arithmancy. I expect you to have mastered those topics by the time you are eleven years old, as that is when you will be sent to Wizarding School at Hogwarts."

"Wait, there is a magic school too?" Harry asked.

"Yes, but you won't learn anything there, as by then you will have mastered everything to do with magic. Instead, you will be sent there in order to forge alliances, and maybe meet a girl or two, or even three. After all, as both of us are more than two hundred years old, our family is considered to be extinct in conventional lawbooks, so as the Sue heir, you will likely need a large harem to repopulate the family!" Marty said, chuckling.

"What was that about harems?" The voice of Mary Sue sounded out.

"Nothing, nothing dear! Nothing at all!" Marty replied, panic in his voice. "Anyway, as I was saying, we are grooming you to be the next ruler of the magical world, and to fix the mess that the current ministry of magic has made of our world. Do you understand this?"

"Yes. I do." Harry said, understanding fully.

"Very well then. En garde! Let me test your mettle as a dueler!" Marty said, flourishing his wand and pointing it at Harry, who was so surprised that he released a bolt of accidental magic from his staff, the arc of green lightning slamming into Marty's chest, only to be absorbed by the runic arrays in Marty's shirt.

"Nice! Always strike first!" Marty said, returning fire, only for it to be deflected by a barrier that Harry had conjured. Focusing his magic, Harry then released another bolt of energy, this one curving around Marty's shields and striking him in the back, overpowering the millions of supercharged runic arrays, and ending the duel.

"Excellent work! I have a feeling that you will be quite the prodigy!" Marty said, standing up and dusting himself off.

Laughing, the two made their way back to the manor, the sun setting behind them.

* * *

**A/N: And chapter two is now done. Next chapter will be the rest of Harry's life at the Sues' house and the trip to Diagon Alley. I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Harry Sue!**

**On a side note, I want to write a more serious, Dark and Evil Harry fic where Harry is NOT brought up by Voldemort or is the wrong BWL, as I'm finding a distinct lack of those on this site. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2- Gringotts, Girls, and the Hogwarts Express**

A newly eleven year old Harry Sue strode confidently through Diagon Alley, staff in hand. His destination was Gringotts Wizarding Bank, where he would not only get the money he needed for school supplies, but also to undergo an inheritance ritual and test for creature blood. He reached the doors of the bank without delay, and stepped inside, finding a conveniently open teller window.

He showed his ring to the Goblin, who immediately recognized the Sue family crest and bowed low.

"My lord Sue! I did not expect your arrival this fine evening! Come with me to see King Ragnok. He will deal with you personally." The goblin said, and Harry nodded respectfully before following the diminutive creature. He was already well educated in Goblin culture and magic, and the Goblins had come to see him as one of their own, and a high ranking member of their society.

Entering the throne room, Harry bowed alongside the Goblin, Griphook if Harry remembered correctly.

"Rise, Lord Sue." King Ragnok commanded, and Harry stood, locking eyes with the smiling king who had tutored him personally in swordsmanship and Goblin magics.

"King Ragnok, it is good to see you again. May your gold make mountains and your enemies blood form rivers." Harry greeted.

"Likewise to you, young Sue. Now, I assume this is about the inheritance rituals?" Harry nodded in reply.

"Very well then. Follow me." Ragnok said, and left the room, Harry following. Behind them, Griphook still lay prone on the ground, locked in a bow.

"Now, you are to place a single drop of blood into this basin." Ragnok indicated as they entered the ritual room, pointing to a simple stone basin in the center of the room, filled with a light blue potion, a dagger lying nearby.

Picking up the dagger, Harry obliged and spilled a drop of blood into the basin. A few seconds passed, then, with a sound akin to a printing machine, a sheet of parchment slid out of the wall.

Harry picked it up and looked at it. It read:

**Lord Harry Sue**

**Current Monetary Ownings: Everything.**

**Current Properties: Everything**

**Creature Blood Present: Veela, Dragon, Vampire, Werewolf, Naga, Siren, Syren, Djinni, Afrit, Marid... (The list goes on)**

**Current Abliities: Multi-Animagus, Parseltongue, Parselmagic, Metamorphagus, Elemental Magic, Shadow Magic, Light Magic, Staff Compatibility, Non-human magic prodigy, Human magic prodigy...(The list goes on)**

**Summary: Lord Harry Sue currently owns all the money and properties in the magical world due to his status as a Sue. His abilities due to his status as a Sue amount to every possible ability a wizard can have. **

Harry quickly read over the parchment before handing it to the Goblin King.

"Congratulations, Lord Sue! It seems that the Sues have been busy since the last time they performed this ritual, as the last time they did, they only owned 75% of the wizarding world. It also seems as if you are by far the most powerful wizard in the world! As if that weren't obvious already..." The last part was muttered rather than spoken.

Thanking the Goblin, Harry then left the bank and entered Diagon Alley, quickly purchasing the finest quality supplies for his upcoming year at Hogwarts. As he was entering Madam Malkin's, however, he bumped into a blond haired boy.

* * *

Draconia Malfoy left Madam Malkin's in a hurry, wanting to get back home as fast as she could so that she could finally drop the gender disguise her Mother forced her to wear so that her father would be satisfied with a male heir. It was then that she saw _Him!_

He was beautiful in every sense of the word. Even with the gender-disguise potion's dampening effects, she quickly became mad with desire about this boy that she had never before seen or heard of in her life. Her eyes grew nearly three times over the course of the next few seconds, and due to her extreme desire, the potion's effects were undone, just as she ran into the boy that she was so attracted to.

"Watch where you're going!" She said, playing the part of an arrogant pureblood heiress, while inside she was more like: 'Ermahgerd I want him so bad! Squeeeeee!'

"You don't have to hide it, you know." The boy said, not moving from his position on the ground.

"Hide what?" She demanded arrogantly. 'Does he know? I hope he does! Just looking at him makes me want to do something that would raise this fic's rating to MA+!'

"What was that sound?" The boy asked.

"The fourth wall breaking." Draconia replied, before returning to the matter at hand. "Now, back to what you said earlier. What do I not need to hide?" She asked.

"Nothing." The boy said, before looking her in the eyes. At that, Draconia heard the boy speak in her very mind! He must be a very powerful wizard indeed to do such a thing!

"_You don't have to hide your love for me, Draconia. After all, I'm more than happy to reciprocate. My name is Harry Sue, by the way. Meet me on the Hogwarts Express, and I might just make your wish come true!"_

With that, the boy stood, and proceeded into the shop, but not before winking at her in a manner that literally made her heart stop. Thankfully, a trained healer was nearby and quickly performed the Defibrillator charm to re-start said organ, or else Draconia's tale of romance would have ended before it even begun.

* * *

Several days later, Harry stood on Platform Nine and Three Quarters, waiting for his luggage to be sent to him via dimensional portal, when he was jostled by a family of redheads.

"Sorry!" One of them, a redhead one year younger than Harry, called out, before she caught a glance at him. At that moment, she stood rigid, her eyes widening to previously unheard of proportions, while a fleck of drool began to coalesce on the edge of her mouth. Concerned, Harry probed her mind, looking her in the eyes with what he thought was a pleasant smile on his face. As soon as he entered her mind, however, he was nearly repelled by what lay inside.

"SENPAI NOTICED ME!" Echoed through Harry's mind as he tried to get back up, suddenly very dizzy from the sheer volume of the girl's entire mind devoting itself to broadcasting that message as loud as possible.

Slowly regaining his sanity, Harry noticed that his supplies had arrived, and he began to walk to the express, levitating his luggage with a wave of his hand. However, as his hand was in the process of waving, it brushed against a single strand of the redhead's hair. At that, the girl emitted an ultrasonic squeal before collapsing to the ground in a state of pure euphoria. Harry almost decided not to probe her mind again, but his curiosity won over him, and he did just that. It would be a decision he would forever regret.

Various scenes of an extremely graphic nature were shown in extreme detail within the girl's mind, while the message "He touched me! He actually touched me!" bounced around in the girl's mind.

Quickly withdrawing his mind, a scarred for life Sue proceeded to the train, intending to get away from the redhead and her insanity as soon as he could.

* * *

The train soon pulled out of the station, and Harry found himself sitting alone in a compartment, a book on ancient (and thus, super powerful) magic open on his lap. Idly, Harry wondered how wizards living in grass huts thousands of years ago knew more about magic than today's society, but that was probably irrelevant to the plot of the fic.

Harry heard the shattering sound again, and quickly looked around. However, the train's windows were all intact, and the fourth wall was invisible to him, so he couldn't see the damage that had already been done to it.

Suddenly, the door to his compartment slid open and a red haired boy stepped in. He was dressed in an immaculate black muggle suit, while his eyes were covered by dark glasses. In one hand he held a martini, while in the other he held a rather worn looking wand. A beautiful older girl was latched on to one of his arms.

"My name is Weasley. Ron Weasley. Do you mind if I sit here?" The newly named Ron asked.

"Of course!" Harry said, and the red haired boy sat down. Several minutes passed in silence, before the beautiful girl suddenly spoke up.

"Mr. Weasley! You have to rescue the world!" At that, the redhead stood up, brushing an invisible speck of dust off his sleeve.

"Be back in a jiffy! Dr. Hans is probably at it again." At that, the redhead tapped his watch and disappeared into thin air.

Several minutes passed, before Ron appeared back in the compartment, looking slightly singed.

"Sorry about that! Old Hansie was just trying to blow up the world again with a superlaser built into the moon. Don't worry, I stopped him!" Ron sat down again, and the girl latched back on to him. Before Harry's eyes, all evidence of disorder on Ron's suit quickly vanished, leaving him immaculate once more.

That was when the compartment door slid open once again and Draconia Malfoy stepped in, immediately blushing as she saw Harry.

"H-Hello Harry!" The pureblood heiress stuttered out faintly.

"Wait a minute, I know you!" Ron Weasley called out, causing the girl to squeak in fright.

"W-Wait! Don't-" Ron cut the frightened girl off.

"You're Draconia Malfoy aren't you? Don't worry, even though our families have been feuding for hundreds of years, I am perfectly alright with you! You can sit here!" That caused the blonde haired girl to sit down beside Harry, latching on to his arm. Even though she was only eleven years old, had the advantage of being shipped with the protagonist, and thus already had the voluptuous figure of an adult.

"What is that noise I keep hearing?" Harry demanded.

"Ouch, that fourth wall's taken quite a beating, hasn't it?" Draconia said.

"That it has." Ron said.

"What was that?" Harry asked, once again not hearing her.

"Nothing. We're not really supposed to talk about it..." Draconia replied, a disarming smile on her perfect face. Suitably placated, Harry decided that it was best that some things remained unknown.

Just then, the door to the compartment slid open again and in walked a bushy haired yet incredibly beautiful girl. Like Draconia, she had an adult figure that belied her mere eleven years, and for the same reason.

"Hello there! My name's Hermione Granger. May I sit here?" She indicated the open spot beside Harry.

"Wait, are you THE Hermione Granger? The Super-Genius who invented a thousand spells by age 5 and mastered ten times that?" Ron asked.

"W-Well, I don't like to brag about it..." Hermione blushed.

"Don't worry, we're all members of the protagonist's cadre, so we've all got something to brag about. For example, Harry here is not only the boy-who-lived, but also the most powerful wizard ever, of all time. I can tell just by looking at him!" Ron said, and Harry heard the noise again.

"Dammit, what keeps making that breaking noise?" Harry exclaimed, looking at the windows, but as ever, the fourth wall eluded his sight.

"Let's... Let's just all sit down and shut up before we completely obliterate the fourth wall now, shall we?" Draconia said.

"Obliterate the what now?" Harry asked.

"Nothing! Nothing!" The beautiful blonde replied, still smiling.

Before Harry knew it, the train arrived at Hogwarts, and the group stepped out clad in immaculate Hogwarts robes laced with millions of defensive runic arrays (courtesy of Harry, he made them on the way). As they walked into the tiny boats, Harry could not help but feel as if something was very wrong, even as the beautiful castle came into sight. Something within it had to be very evil indeed to produce that sort of effect...

Harry felt that he would soon find out exactly what that evil thing was.

* * *

**A/N: Finally, Chapter 3 is done! I honestly had this thing lying around half-finished for a long time before I decided to vent stress and finish it. **

**Don't bother correcting me on my pseudo-Japanese, or any other foreign language that I may decide to use. If it's incorrect, then it's wrong for parody purposes.**


End file.
